Long Lost Love

I was having dinner with a girlfriend last week when the conversation turned to love and its myriad challenges for each of us. My friend had been married for 20 years to a man whom she privately suspected had an "alcohol problem." He was a classic well-educated underachiever and he drank more than one might consider reasonable for a rational adult. Still, he was attractive and she loved him and she admits she probably didn't want to acknowledge the problem. Fast forward to a point five years ago when she was going through debilitating treatment for breast cancer. One day, out of the blue, he tells her he doesn't want to be married to her anymore. Stunned and disoriented, she was completely devastated emotionally, as well as physically. But my friend is a survivor, and she beat the cancer and the loss of her marriage. Now, today, she is well, off the therapeutic cancer drugs, and happily ensonced in a solid relationship with an old friend.

In the course of our dinner, she inquired if I "missed" not being in a relationship. No, I said. I have gone through periods in my adult life when, for a variety of reasons, being "involved" was either not in the cards, not convenient or not appealing. Lately, I have been disinclined to deal with a significant other while I deal with unavoidable challenges of career. But, I said, while there were very few men I could think of who would appeal to me as a relationship partner, one leapt to mind unexpectedly. He is a lovely man I've known, and, to be honest, have lusted after, for nearly 20 years. I haven't thought of him lately, but, as my friend and I chatted something struck me as one of those "revelation" moments. I did have a date once with this marvel of manhood, more than a decade ago. Unfortunately, it turned out to be awkward and odd, and I remember being bereft about it and lamented about it to another male friend. He advised me to invite him to dinner and put on something fetching from Victoria's Secret. That was advice I wouldn't have dreamed of following at the time, but, upon reflection, I understand where it came from. It's a guy thing that smart women who are sympatico with men understood well. At the time, I didn't. Silly me.

Anyway, I had this sudden, compelling notion last week that maybe, just maybe, my time with Mr. Wonderful might yet arrive. As it happens, he is available once again, having married and divorced for the second time within the past 10 years. (I always thought his choice of a partner was a bit ill-advised, but it wasn't my place to comment.) I certainly could get interested in exploring the possibility of connecting with him, at least. I don't have many expectations of anything or anyone at this point in my life, which makes such adventures far less emotionally risky than they were 10 years ago or more. It's one of the up-sides of aging...one of the few.

So, perhaps my long lost love will become a love recovered. Only time, and a little luck, will tell.